It's been a long while since I've posted. Yes, I'm fickle and yes, I don't tend to stick with things till the day I die but I do enjoy having a little space of my own to post when I feel the need, desire, or just want to have a soap box to stand on.
In all seriousness, I've had more change since September of last year than ever. I'll just dive in so pardon my lack of building up the storyline...
To begin, we had little guy in 2011 and life went haywire. Two kids?! Who knew one was easier? I feel crazy for ever complaining about that (only child) little girl! He has added SUCH excitement and laughter to our life.. Not sure what to do WITH him but we couldn't go a day without that lil' munchie..
So, as everyone's lives go on and so does mine. It's been a few months. Still fresh. Still managing my days as if there's no time. Still trying to sort this out. Still trying to be supportive to my parents even though I'm failing. Trying to keep my own family above water - knowing this will all be one page in the book of my kid's memories. Uncle Adam always had tea parties in bed with H and bought sweet treats for those stinkers. He even had Easter treats ready to give - he didn't get to give them.
As they say, live everyday like it's your last. Tell those you love, that you love them. This never had meaning until I lost something so close - my only sibling. He swore he'd always take care of me. I know he is!
There's where my time and energy has gone. Still trying to unpack, attempting to decorate, and definitely trying to settle into the city again. Although we weren't far out, we lived on half an acre and could walk a couple blocks to see horses. Life has had an abundance of change.
I might be regular at posting and I might not...Ultimately, I like my little space on here that I've been able to retreat to and write about things I love and enjoy doing.
2 months later
As tears roll down my face while reading this post, I realize how time passing is making it harder. I'm starting to realize it's been awhile since I saw Adam. Missing him. Wishing he'd call me for that Saturday hair cut. Wishing he'd call and say, hey Sis.
It's morning at my house. Only one kiddo is awake. I'm having my little moment of quiet time. I always tell my mom I don't cry and grieve because for goodness sakes, I don't have time in my day with two kids. I find this quiet time a blessing today.
Grieving has no time frame. You're not given a book on how this should go. I've found that thinking about him and relating life to how his life would have been is therapeutic. In relating my life to his, I started dabbling back into sewing and designing fun things. Hobbies I've always enjoyed. Hobbies I haven't been able to do for some time. In dedication and memory of Adam, I've opened KA List. A shop that will continue to exude the life and personality of my brother. I hope to inspire people and share my loss. I hope my story reminds others to care for their loved ones. Reminding them to say I love you and to always give big hugs. Tomorrow is not guaranteed.